This hurts

My son is sick. I am sitting in ICU in his room. My daughter-in-law is here. We are both a long way from our home. My son, her husband, has been working out of state since November last year. The unexpected consequences of our society’s reaction to Covid. He needed work and the work was here.

Now he is sick. Seriously sick. All through his life his mother and I have tried to take care of him. When he was sick, we took him to the doctor. There was something we could do.

He’s an adult now and I sit at his bedside as someone else - doctors and nurses - work to bring him healing.

I know that healing is of God, and I see His work through their hands. I see God’s care through their care.

We had a scare last night. We thought we might lose him. He’s in his 40s but he is still my boy. I cannot recall ever struggling with so much fear. It was an hour before we knew anything definite. 

It hurts when your son is sick. It hurts when you don’t know when he’ll get better. It hurts when it looks like you might lose him. It hurts when you are far from home when all this is happening.  

I am grateful for the care my son is getting. I am grateful for the technology that helps me stay in contact with my family and friends. 

I am grateful to the God in whom I have put my trust. 

But this still hurts.

“In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.” (Psalm 25:1)

Mercy

What would it be like to have the worst things we ever did be the only thing we are ever remembered for? What if our lives were changed to be more like Christ, but our past errors, as serious as they be, are all that we are remembered for? 

Will we be remembered as a drunk like Noah or remembered for our faith that God would save us? Will we be remembered as a liar about our wife like Abraham, or remembered as one who trusted in God to keep His promise? Will we be remembered for playing favorites with our children like Isaac and Jacob, or be remembered as trusting God in settling a new land? Would we be remembered as a person with anger issues (including murder ) like Moses or remembered for overcoming his fears to lead God’s people? Will we be remembered for our life of sexual sin like Rahab, or remembered for putting our faith in the God we have only just learned of?  Will we be remembered as a David who committed adultery and then murdered the husband of the woman he wanted, or remembered as the man after God’s own heart?

When we remember those who have gone before us, will we be examples of forgiveness and reconciliation and mercy, or will we be examples of vengeance?

As the Lord has said, “So whatever you say or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law that sets you free. There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.” (James 2:12-13)

Choose mercy.